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Shell and Lauren entered the school building wearily. It was yet another school year.
“At least I’m an upper classman now,” she sighed.
Lauren smirked. “Don’t look at me. I graduated. I’m just visiting you losers!”
Shell sighed. “Shut up. So are you going around with me?” she asked, avoiding the preps, druggies, goths, and jocks that made up the pot smoke filled halls of the science hallway.
Lauren shrugged. “I’m not going to math with you!” she said in horror. “I’ll tag onto someone else that period.”
“Whatever,” she replied. A freshman in front of her suddenly dropped a stack of books. She stepped onto an earth science text book and went stumbling forward into a locker. “Ack!”
Lauren laughed.
She rubbed her forehead. “That’s gonna leave a mark!” She turned angrily and tapped the extremely short kid on the shoulder. “Hey, freshman! Let me give you some friendly advice- books go in a bookbag!”
The blonde boy (who was quite cute, although she would never mention that) smiled cheerily. “I’m not a freshman! I’m a sophomore! I’m Quatre! Quatre Raberba Winner!”
Lauren grinned and whispered. “How come the hotties arrive after I graduate?”
Shell nudged her. “Shut up.” She shot ‘Quatre’ another nasty look before
heading to her locker. She only had ten minutes before Spanish.
She headed into her first period class which was photography. Art ruled!
There was a strange kid she had never seen before huddled over a sketch book. Jackie, being a slut, went over to flirt.
“Hey!” she said with a cheery grin. “Are you new here?”
The kid (who’s hair defied gravity) frowned. “Do I know you?”
Jackie frowned. “No…are you new here?”
“Where am I?” he asked.
“ High school, also known to the students as village of the damned.” she laughed nervously. She extended her hand. “I’m Jackie. What’s your name?”
He sighed. “I have no name. But you can call me Trowa. Trowa Barton.”
“Well, great to meet you Trowa,” She answered uneasily. She headed to her desk.
How
come all the hotties had to be crazy?
She headed to global where she stopped dead in her tracks. Was that babe for real?
The blonde boy was standing in front of the class. “Hi everyone! I’d just like to introduce myself!”
The class continued to talk amongst themselves.
“I’m Quatre. Quatre Raberba Winner. I’m new here, and I’m very happy to be here in your beautiful school! It’s so beautiful!”
“Sit down, fruit!” someone called.
Quatre frowned. “What? Anyway, thanks for listening! I look forwarding to meeting all of you!”
Michelle grinned, batting her eyelashes. Being a sophomore rocked! “You can sit next to me,” she offered.
Quatre smiled and took the offered seat. “Thank you. I’m Quatre, Quatre Raberba Winner.”
Michelle nodded eagerly. “I know! Where are you from?”
Quatre ignored the question. “You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful. Do you know how beautiful you are?”
Michelle raised her eyebrows. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
She
was going to enjoy global this year.
“Does the four stand for how many brain cells you have? We all know what class we’re in!”
Shell turned in surprise to see where the nasty voice had come from.
Ms Hola frowned. “And you are?”
The handsome boy smiled. “Chang WuFei. I rock.”
Lauren rolled her eyes. “He’s wearing puffy white pants and telling everyone he rocks. Now that’s confidence.”
“Are you new here, Chang?” Ms Hola asked.
“It’s WuFei,” he replied cockily. “And yes, I’m new. But I probably won’t be here long because I have to go save lives from evil soulless machines.”
“And what machines are those?” Lauren snapped back. “Calculators?”
“Shut up! They’re called mobile dolls!”
“Dolls?” Lauren cried in disbelief. “Are you afraid of Barbie, WuFei?”
“Bite me!” he called back.
Shell whispered to Lauren, “Hey, he’s kinda hot. Back off.”
“Are you kidding? Look at the pants,” she whispered back.
“That’s all very interesting, WuFei,” Ms Hola interrupted. “But from now on en espanol, si?”
“Does anyone know how to say ‘I rock’ en espanol?” Wufei snapped.
Shell giggled.
Lauren nudged her.
The
year didn’t look so dull after all.
“Good morning class,” he said in a husky voice. “I’m Treize Kushranada. You may call me Mr. Kushrenada.”
Mr. What? Jackie thought to herself.
“This is a class about the art of photography. Photography is an integrate subject with many complex junctures. Many have thought that art is similar to war in it’s violent and colorful conjectures in portraying our world. Art is an outlet and it allows us to see the blackness of our souls and heal our sins, we can only achieve peace through true art. War is bad, like art, but it is necessary for peace, like art. Photography is similar to this because we can see our true selves, only ten pounds heavier, in our true light. Photography is honest, unlike human nature, and like little kids crossing streets and falling off cliffs. Only when we let our children fall off cliffs can we understand photography. Photography is like Duke Dermaol, only it sucks less. The Gundams are our friends, but we must kill them to achieve peace. We may see our deaths in Epyon, but that is only photography as well. J. C Penny is better than Macy’s in an artistic and entirely peaceful way, I could go for some pizza…that’s art too….”
“What?” Jackie asked out loud. She turned to Trowa. “What’s he saying?”
“Makes sense to me,” Trowa shrugged.
Jackie
decided to tune him out. He was way hotter when he wasn’t talking.
Quatre smiled, despite the dozen spit balls colliding with his head. “Quit it, guys,” he said sheepishly.
“Ignore them,” Michelle told him. “Tell me more about your yacht.”
“Oh, Michelle, money doesn’t matter. We must concentrate on peace and goodness. Money is trivial.”
“But you do have a yacht?” Michelle pressed. “Are those pants Armani?”
Quatre frowned. “Yes….”
“Who knows when the French Revolution began?” Mr. Jones asked.
Quatre raised his hand. “1789.”
“Very good, Quatre!”
An eraser flew forward and hit Quatre in the eye.
“Ow! Hey…,” he cried, holding his eye.
“Can someone escort Quatre to the nurse?” Mr. Jones asked.
“I
will!” Michelle cried, grabbing Quatre by the arm and hurrying him out
the door.
“You blow!” she growled back.
“Bite me!” he hissed.
“You can keep your diseases, thanks!” Lauren replied cockily.
“Um…guys…we’re in class,” Shell tried feebly.
“You’re a no-talent loser,” he countered.
“You’re
an arrogant, hideous prick with delusions of grandeur!” she snapped. “Go
back to playing dungeons and dragons, geek!”
WuFei
frowned, speechless. “That was a good one.”
Lauren arched her eyebrows. “Thanks.”
“You’re pretty good for a skanky hoe,” he allowed.
“Hmph. You’re not so bad yourself for a hollow- headed jackie chan wannabe.”
He whispered, “Wanna ditch this class?”
Lauren shrugged. “Okay.”
They left.
Shell
put her head in her hands. She was never bringing her sister back to high
school.
“Because she’s evil.” Michelle whispered back.
“What’s her name?” Quatre replied.
“Nobody knows. We think it’s Ms Viola Swamp,” Michelle answered.
Quatre frowned. “Wasn’t that the evil teacher in ‘Ms Nelson is missing’? Come on, Michelle, I’m sure she’s not really evil.” He approached her. “Hi, I’m Quatre Raberba Winner. And you are…?”
“Nurse Kidkill. Can I help you?” she asked wearily.
“Ms what?”
“Kidkill!” she snapped. “What’s your problem?”
“My eye.”
“Is it missing?”
“No….”
“Is it gushing blood?”
“Well, it’s not gushing….”
“Go back to class,” she replied. “I have to listen to this radio and see if it’s my turn to eat the babies in the maternity ward.”
“What!?” he asked in horror.
She sighed. “Go lay down on one of those diseased cots we never wash until you feel up to leaving,” she snapped.
“Never
mind. I think I’ll go back to class…,” Quatre replied, trying to stop the
bleeding. “I feel much better.”
“I wish I could die…” he muttered.
“What?” Jackie asked. “Oh, I know, this class is boring,” she replied, misinterpreting his statement.
“No, seriously. Do you have anything pointy? I brought some razors to school but my guidance counselor took them away.” He sighed. “Do you think pastels are toxic?”
Jackie shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe.” she paused. “Is that you sketchbook? Can I see it?”
Trowa shrugged and handed it to her.
Jackie began to flip through the pages. They were very good, but each one seemed to be of a clown getting killed.
“I guess you don’t like clowns,” she mused.
“Oh, I love clowns,” he replied. “I’m the clown.”
“Oh……,”
Jackie mumbled, handing him back his sketchbook. She checked her watch.
Only ten minutes to go.
“I hate gym,” Lauren cried.
“That’s because you suck at it!”
“Shut up, sleaze bag!”
“Bite me, whore!” he replied. He paused. “I know that loser!” he pointed to an attractive young man with a girly braid. He was playing basketball.
“Hey Duo!” he called. “You suck!”
Duo looked up and went to wave, but a basketball suddenly appeared and smacked him in the side of the head.
“You
idiot! Now we have to give the ball over to the other side!” a team mate
groaned.
“Haven’t
you ever played basketball?”
Duo nodded wearily. “I’m really good…,” he replied, standing. “It was WuFei’s fault.”
“Bite me!” WuFei replied.
Lauren and WuFei watched the game for a few more minutes, but each play seemed to end with someone pulling Duo’s braid and Duo falling down and whining.
“That’s not fair!” he protested. “I’m really good! You guys are cheating!”
“Sure…,” a team mate replied.
“I’m going to take a break,” Duo snapped, heading over to Lauren. “Hi, I’m Duo. Don’t believe whatever WuFei told you about me.”
“I said you sucked,” WuFei growled.
“Shut up, Woofie!”
Lauren grinned. “I’m Lauren. Uh, I guess basketball’s not your thing.”
“Yes it is!” he protested. “They kept pulling my hair!”
Lauren nodded placatingly. “Right. So what is with the hair anyway?”
He shrugged. “You don’t think it’s cool?”
“No.”
“Oh…..,” Duo replied softly. “Well I better get back to the game.” He started to walk away, then jerked and fell to the ground. “Ow!”
WuFei had tied his hair to the bleachers. “Hahahahahaha!” WuFei said smugly.
“I hate you,” Duo said, untying his braid.
“WuFei, that was mean. You’re such a loser,” Lauren snapped.
“Shut up, whore,” WuFei continued. “Take me to the cafeteria.”
“Sorry, they don’t serve dog food,” she snapped, shoving him against the bleachers.
Duo
waved. “See you guys later!” he said cheerfully, as his teammates began
pulling his braid again.
She
headed into the room to find a short but handsome young man in front of
the room. Shell smiled. This school had sure gotten more handsome from
last year!
“Uh,
this is Heero Yuy,” Mr. Smith began. “He’s new. He wants to make an opening
speech.”
Shell raised an eyebrow. Interesting.
“I’m
Heero Yuy. For years humans have been fighting. These conflicts sometimes
turn into wars. War is necessary sometimes to attain peace. Sometimes,
people are even created purely for the purpose of war. During peacetime,
these people
cease
to exist. They disappear into the crowd until they are needed again.” he
paused. “But they never wait long. There is always someone trying to start
a war, and someone trying to stop it.”
“Uh, does this have a point?” Mr. Smith asked.
“I’m just trying to get to know my classmates,” Heero replied. “Trying to, you know, blend.”
“The yellow sneakers aren’t helping,” someone called.
He frowned. “Anyway, I’m Heero Yuy-“
“We know!”
“And it’s a pleasure to meet you all.” He frowned and took a seat.
Next to Shell.
Hehehehe. Shell was thinking of many many plans.
“Hi, I’m Michelle,” said Shell. “You can call me Shell.”
He nodded.
“Um, so, how do you like the school?”
“I won’t be here for long,” he replied.
Shell frowned. “That sounds disturbingly like something WuFei said. Do you know Wufei?”
“WuFei talked to you? What did he say? What class is he in now?” Heero asked, removing what looked like a water gun from his book bag. “Has he been captured?”
“What?” Shell asked. “What’s with the water gun? Assassination isn’t until the end of the year.”
“Are you with OZ?” he asked. “How do you know about WuFei?”
“He’s in my spanish class…..”
“He’s here? In this school? As a student?”
Shell nodded blankly.
He put the gun back. “Oh. Why didn’t you say so?” He turned back to the front of the room.
Shell
shrugged. Whatever. She could live with a crazy hottie. She began scribbling
‘Shell Yuy’ on her notebook.
He looked down at the paper in front of him. “Um chemistry. That sounds confusing.”
Michelle nodded. “I think so too.”
“Hey! Quit it guys! I could take you all down, only that would get me attention! Come on! I’m not a geek!” a voice protested. “And only freshman can get shoved into lockers!”
“I think that’s Duo,” Quatre said in wonder. “I think he’s in trouble. Let’s go!”
They jogged down the science hallway and found a group of seniors trying to shove a hapless Duo into one of the lockers.
“He’ll probably fit,” Michelle mused. “He’s pretty short.”
Quatre frowned. “Let’s go help him.”
“Why
don’t you pick on Heero? Didn’t you see him? He’s wearing spandex! Spandex!
I dress normally!” Duo continued to babble.
“What’s
going on, here?” Quatre said, drawing himself up to his full height. (An
impressive five foot one.)
The seniors turned. They laughed.
Michelle nudged Quatre. “Let me handle this.”
Quatre shook his head. “It’s too dangerous!”
“Yeah, for you,” she replied.
“Hey guys,” Michelle said with a wink and a saunter. “How about you and me go behind the school?”
They grinned. “Really?” one asked.
“Sure. Leave the geek,” she replied.
They nodded eagerly. “All of us?”
She shrugged. “Sure why not?”
As they began walking away, Michelle called to a bitchy hall monitor, “They went to their lockers without a pass!”
She gasped. She began shoving them towards the vice principal's office. “How dare you!” she wacked one over the head with her walkie-talkie. “Of all the evil things to do!”
Michelle giggled. “I knew that bitch was good for something.”
“Her and the nurse should get together,” Quatre agreed, helping Duo out of the locker.
“Well that was embarassing,” Duo snapped, trying to get his hair unstuck from one of the hooks. He pulled free. “Why doesn’t anyone like me?”
Michelle grinned. “You know who would really like you? My friend Jackie. She’d think you were really cool.”
“I am really cool,” Duo protested.
“Right,” Michelle replied, “and Quatre’s manly.”
Quatre frowned. “I’m pretty buff.”
“Sure,”
she giggled. “Come on. Let’s go to Chemistry.”
Lauren squinted. “What?”
“It is! Oh geez, what a geek!” WuFei giggled. He pointed. “Oh, lunchlady Zechs!” he hooted.
Zechs, a handsome young man in a barely fitting hairnet, looked up. “Wufei!? What are you doing here?”
“I go to school here,” he replied. “What are you doing here?”
Zechs frowned. “It was all Treize’s idea! It’s undercover work.”
WuFei stifled another giggle. “Right. Well I’ll have some potato salad I guess.”
Lauren sighed dreamily and leaned against the counter. “Hello….Zechs.”
“What did you call me?” he asked.
“Zechs! I said Zechs!” she protested. “Hey. I’m Lauren.”
WuFei growled, “She’s my chick.”
“Ewww! No I’m not!” Lauren cried, shoving Wufei.
“Quit hitting me!” he snapped. “Whore!”
“Shut up. I’m trying to talk to Sex, Zechs!”
“Whore,” Wufei spat again, digging into his potato salad. He suddenly choked, muttered, “Oh, that is disgusting!” and withdrew a five foot long strand of white hair. “What the hell is this?”
Zechs looked around. “Uh…well that’s obviously not mine….”
“It’s five feet long! Find me another five foot long strand of white hair on another cafeteria lady’s head and I’ll believe you!”
Zechs blushed. “I’m wearing a hairnet…” he paused. “Maybe it’s yours.”
“Mine!” WuFei cried. “Does this look like something that came off me?”
“I’m wearing a hairnet,” he repeated, “are you?”
“Of course not! Ick! That is so unsanitary! Who hired you?”
Lauren nudged WuFei again. “Stop making such a big deal. It’s just hair. Long, silky, abundant hair.” she grinned. “So, how old are you? I’m….twenty. Yeah.”
“I’m nineteen,” he replied.
“So am I!” Lauren replied.
“Liar,” Wufei snapped. “You just said you were twenty.”
She whispered, “I thought he was older than that. But that’s perfect!”
“Whatever. Can I have some prepackaged food?” he snapped. “Nothing you touched!”
Zechs nodded sheepishly and brought WuFei some goldfish crackers.
“Goldfish! These aren’t manly!”
“Neither are you! Shut up!” Lauren snapped. “So, Zechs….wanna ditch these jerks?”
“Hey!” WuFei protested.
“I can’t. I work here. And Treize will come in any minute. Treize….”
Lauren frowned. “What?”
“Fruitcake,” WuFei muttered.
“He is not!” Lauren protested weakly.
WuFei steered her away. “Sorry, whore. It’s not to be.”
Lauren
sighed.
“Who’s Relena?” Shell whispered.
“A stupid bitch,” he whispered back. “I will destroy her.”
“Old flame?” Shell asked with a wink.
He seemed disgusted. “Ew! No!”
“Hey you remind me of Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon!” She exclaimed, trying to make conversation.
“What?!” he exclaimed in horror. “Sailor Moon!! Have you ever even seen that show?!”
She swallowed. “Uh….not really….”
Heero shook his head. “Then don’t compare me to something you know nothing about!”
Tears came to Shell’s eyes. “I was just trying to make conversation!!”
Heero mumbled, “oh.” He paused. “Sorry.” He took out a small notebook that had ‘normal conversation topics’ scrawled on the cover. He quickly thumbed through it. “Uh…did you see last weeks…Daw-son’s Creek?” He grinned eagerly.
“Can
I go to the bathroom?” Shell asked quickly.
“Wanna go to the courtyard?” she asked him.
“Sure, I guess it’s better than….health,” he replied, looking at his schedule.
They walked into the courtyard and Jackie was surprised to spot Lauren who was arguing with some Chinese kid.
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up, whore!” the kid yelled.
“Go to hell!” she snapped, pushing him.
“Stop pushing me!” he cried.
“Uh….hi,” Jackie spoke up, interrupting them.
Lauren looked over. “Oh, hi, Jackie.”
“Oh no, it’s Trowa,” the Chinese kid said.
“Who the hell are you?” Trowa asked.
WuFei slapped him upside the head.
“Oh, hi WuFei,” Trowa replied with a smile.
“Hey, Jackie, there’s this really hot guy working in the cafeteria,” Lauren said excitedly.
“He’s GAY!” WuFei yelled.
“Shut up, jerk!” Lauren cried, pushing him yet again.
“I told you to stop doing that!” he yelled. “Now introduce me to your friend, woman!”
Lauren sighed laborously. “Jackie…this is WuFei the stupid self-centered pig.”
“Uh…hi, WuFei,” Jackie replied. “Trowa, this is Lauren. Lauren, Trowa.”
“Hi, Trowa,” Lauren said.
“Hi, Lauren. Do you have any heavy blunt objects you feel like whacking me with?”
“Freak!” shrieked WuFei. “Not here!”
Lauren peeked into the cafeteria to see Zechs talking to some other really really hot guy. “Damn!”
Jackie looked too. “That’s my photography instructor. He’s nuts.”
“He’s drop dead gorgeous!” Lauren drooled.
“He’s gay too!” WuFei put in.
Lauren turned and glared at him, “That’s it!” She began to chase WuFei around the courtyard.
“Stupid woman!” he shrieked. “If I had Nataku….”
Jackie backed up a step. “Uh….we’ll see you guys later.”
She and Trowa went to another corner of the courtyard where a couple of the well known druggies were gathered.
“Hey, wanna smoke?” one of the kids asked Trowa.
“Huh?” Trowa commented absently.
“Hey! He’s already wasted!” another kid pointed out.
Trowa picked up a dandelion and blew on it. The seeds went flying. “The seeds…they are my tears.”
Jackie looked scared.
“Wow! What is he smokin’?” one kid exclaimed. “I gotta get me some!”
Jackie
pulled on Trowa’s arm. “Let’s go.”
Quatre frowned.
“Let’s cut,” Duo whispered.
“We just got here, jerk,” Michelle muttered.
Duo glared at her. “Well I’m leaving.” He went to get up, but his hair was caught on the chair. “Ow!” he yelped, sitting back down. “Never mind.”
“That really is getting to be a hazard,” Quatre pointed out.
“Ha ha,” Michelle laughed to herself.
“But if I cut it I’ll look just like Heero!” Duo responded.
“He’ll be the one in the yellow sneakers,” Quatre said. “We’ll remember the difference.”
“No, man. The hair is part of who I am. I’m wild and free!”
“And dumb,” Michelle mumbled. “You know, you’d really get along with Jackie.”
“Is she hot?” Duo asked.
“Pervert,” Michelle muttered.
“Now class,” Mr. Snore said. “I’m going to begin the year by showing you my many slides of when I went to the Nuclear Reactor.” He pulled about 10 rolls of slides out of the closet. “This is non stop fun. I think you’ll really enjoy all the pictures of the trees around the site.”
Duo slumped down in his chair.
“Hey, this could be interesting,” Quatre commented.
Michelle
groaned.
Shell jumped out of her chair excitedly. “Yeah! Lunch!” She turned to Heero. “This is the first year we have 3rd period lunch. They’re going to be serving brunch for lunch every day.”
“I have 3rd period lunch too,” he said. “Do they have waffles?”
Shell nodded. “Yes. But I’m warning you, they can get pretty hard.”
“Anything’s better than WuFei’s cooking,” he mumbled.
They went to the cafeteria. There they saw Lauren, WuFei, Jackie and some other kid with his hair in his face.
“Hey, Shell!” Lauren called. “Glad you….” she stopped dead when she saw Heero. “Who is that.”
“Stupid
whore,” mumbled WuFei.
“Oh,
this is Heero,” Shell told her. “He watches Dawson’s Creek and Sailor
Moon.”
Heero
frowned.
Lauren batted her eyelashes. “Me too.”
“You don’t watch Dawson’s Creek,” Jackie put in.
“Shut up!” Lauren snapped, shoving her into WuFei.
“Stop pushing me!” WuFei cried again. “My stomach hurts. I think I should go see the nurse.”
“I wouldn’t,” a voice from behind said.
WuFei turned around. “Quatre?”
“She’s weird,” Quatre said, shaking.
Michelle patted him on the shoulder. “It’s okay.”
Jackie’s eyes were on Duo. “Whoa…Michelle…who’s your friend?”
Michelle rolled her eyes. “Jackie, meet Duo. Duo, meet Jackie.”
Duo grinned. “So you’re Jackie! I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Hey, it’s the dork with the hair!” someone called.
“Stop picking on me!” he called back. “I’m cool! Pick on Quatre! He’s a geek!”
“Hey!” Quatre protested. “I saved you.”
Shell pointed to Heero. “Michelle, this is Heero. He watches Dawson’s Creek and Sailor Moon.”
Duo’s jaw dropped. “You watch Dawson’s Creek?!”
Heero shook his head and sighed.
“I don’t know what kind of conditioner Zechs uses on his hair but I think it’s reacting with my stomach acid,” WuFei groaned.
Lauren laughed at him.
“Shut up, woman! He’s GAY!”
She pushed him again. He fell to the ground, groaning.
“I don’t think I can get up now!” he moaned.
She laughed again and turned to Heero. “Come on.” They went to get food.
“THEY’RE ALL GAY!!!” WuFei gasped. “HE WATCHES DAWSON’S CREEK!”
“Hey, Shell, this is Trowa,” Jackie said.
“Hey, I like your hair,” Shell commented.
“Thanks. Would you like to borrow some of my hair gel? It’s non-toxic, I tried it.” Trowa replied.
“Try the cafeteria food,” gasped WuFei.
“I’d love to try it,” Shell replied. She and Trowa went to sit down.
“So, Duo,” Jackie said, turning to him. “I love your hair.”
“REALLY?!” Duo exclaimed. “I lost a lot of it to my chair, but it still looks pretty good.”
“Jerk,” Michelle muttered. “He fits in a locker. Want me to show you?”
“That’s not nice,” Quatre commented.
“Does someone wanna help me here?” WuFei moaned.
“You’re better off there than at the nurse’s office,” Quatre told him.
Lauren and Heero came back. Lauren didn’t look too happy.
“Ha ha! I told you they were gay!” WuFei exclaimed happily.
Lauren kicked him in the stomach.
WuFei lost conciousness.
“They signed me up for chorus,” Heero said.
“Me too,” everyone else said.
“I used to be in chorus,” Lauren told him. “You can have my folder. It’s number 45.”
“I have to be number 001,” Heero told her.
The guys all laughed.
“Must be a Dawson’s Creek joke,” shrugged Shell.
“Shouldn’t someone help WuFei?” Quatre asked.
“Nah,” Lauren replied. “He deserves it.”
Shell began eating. “What happened to him?”
“He ate some cafeteria food,” Lauren said casually.
Everyone spat out what they were eating.
“Well screw that!” Michelle exclaimed.
Quatre frowned. “I’m hungry.”
“You can have my fries,” Shell offered.
“Don’t try to kill poor Quatre!” Michelle yelled.
“I’ll eat them!” Trowa said happily.
“No, stop it!” Shell said, smearing some hair gel into her hair. It instantly stuck forward. “How does it look?”
“You make a pair,” Lauren told her dryly.
Shell smiled.
“Dammit, woman!” said a voice from the floor. “Help me!”
“Are you up?” Lauren groaned. “Don’t make me kick you again.”
Treize and Zechs came over.
“Why hello everyone,” Treize said.
“Hi,” Lauren said dreamily.
cough “Gay.” cough Said WuFei from the floor.
Lauren kicked him.
“Ow!”
Zechs looked down. “What happened to you?”
“You happened to me, Lady Lovely Locks!” WuFei snapped.
“I guess this isn’t the right time to ask you to duel then,” Treize sighed, disappointed.
“Obviously not, brainiac!” WuFei snapped.
Treize frowned.
“Would anyone like some goldfish?” Zechs asked.
Quatre made a grab for it.
“That’s nice of you, sex—er..Zechs! I meant Zechs!” Lauren exclaimed.
“Hmmm…” Heero commented to himself.
“You can call me Milliardo,” said Zechs with a proud grin.
“No you can’t,” Treize put in, giving Zechs a nudge.
Zechs frowned. “You’re always trying to hide who I am!” he cried.
Jackie spoke up. “Mr….uh….Treize, can you explain what we did in class today?”
Treize paused. “Uh….no.”
Jackie frowned.
“I understood it!” Trowa said happily.
“You’re so smart!” Shell said, giving him a hug.
“So how do you guys like the school?” Michelle asked.
“It’s beautiful,” Quatre commented through a mouthful of goldfish.
“It allows me to share my wisdom with the rest of the world,” said Treize.
“It allows me to be next to the man of my dreams,” Zechs replied.
Lauren frowned. WuFei laughed.
“It allows me to flaunt my intelligence over the rest of you weak imbeciles!” WuFei declared. Lauren kicked him again. “Dammit, woman!”
“It’s a good cover for my covert activities,” Heero mumbled.
“It’s a good place to chill,” sighed Trowa.
“I hate it,” Duo whined.
“And
I think we all agree with Duo,” Lauren added. She paused. “Why the hell
am I here anyway?”
THE END
Another
day in High School with our favorite Gundam Wing boys. It is the end of
the
day, and everyone’s in chorus, including Lauren, who is back as Ms. Johnson's
assistant.
“Okay, everyone. I’m going to pass out the music for ‘This Joint is Jumpin’,” Ms. J said.
“Ooh,” moaned Shell. “We’re singing that again?”
Lauren made a face. Oh well. As long as she got to be near the cute new boys. “Hey, J, can I go sit down somewhere?” she asked, eyeing the empty chair besides Heero.
“Sure,”
agreed Ms. J. But before Lauren could go running to flirt with the cute
blue
eyed boy, the music teacher pointed to the empty seat*s* by Wu-fei. No
one was sitting anywhere near him. “He looks lonely.”
Lauren made a disgusted face. “Great,” she mumbled, pouting as she sat down next to
Wu-fei, making sure to stay as far away from him as possible.
“Hey, don’t look so happy,” Wu-fei snapped. “Not like I want to sit next to you anyway, whore.”
Lauren glared at him. “Go to hell.”
“Zechs is gay!” was his reply.
She twitched.
Michelle, Shell and Jackie were bored in the soprano section. They couldn’t see the cute boys that well.
“Isn’t Duo dreamy?” sighed Jackie.
“No,” Michelle replied. “Quatre is much cuter. And richer.”
“I like Trowa,” Shell put in, “his hair is so cool!”
“He’s weird,” Jackie said. “He actually understands what Mr. Whatever is talking about in photography class!”
“You
still don’t know your photography teacher’s last name?” Michelle exclaimed
in
disbelief.
Jackie shrugged. “I think it starts with a K….or is a C??”
Lauren was looking at the back of Heero’s head. Quatre was right in front of her, with
Heero on his right. Trowa was seated on Quatre’s left, which put him directly in front of Wu-fei.
Duo was next to Heero. She listened in on their conversation.
“I think everyone at this school is really nice,” Quatre said. “I know I’ll make lots of friends.”
“I hate it here!” Duo moaned. “Everyone wants to beat me up!”
“That’s cause you suck!” Wu-fei put in.
Duo turned around to glare at him. “Shut up, Wu-fei.” He looked at Lauren. “Ugh! I feel sorry for you, having to sit next to that.”
Heero turned around. “Hi, Lauren.”
Lauren smiled dreamily at him. “Hi, Heero….”
Quatre turned around. “Boy, Lauren, you must love this school! You’re back here a lot!”
She shrugged. “I guess you could say that the people here make it worth coming back so often.” Again she looked at Heero.
“This school sucks!” Wu-fei said.
“What’s going on over there?” Ms. Johnson called. “This is a choir, not a study hall, boys. If you don’t want to be in this class you can leave right now!”
Wu-fei
went to get up, but Lauren made him sit back down and then took out her
anti
bacterial
gel. “Gross.”
“We’re going to start off with some simple warm ups,” Ms. J instructed.
“What is this, gym class?” Wu-fei muttered.
“Shut the hell up,” Lauren snapped, sitting up straight in her chair. “Sit up, moron.”
Wu-fei slumped down more and glared at her.
Lauren sighed and decided to ignore the jerk.
“Look
at Trowa’s posture,” Shell commented as she strained to see him over the
puffy
haired
girl in front of her.
“I bet Duo has a great singing voice,” Jackie said. “After all, his speaking voice is sooooo gorgeous.”
“Quatre’s just so cute!” Michelle said again.
Shell sighed. “Lauren’s so lucky that she gets to sit by them.”
The three girls heaved dreamy sighs.
Lauren tried to listen to what Ms. J was saying, but Wu-fei was making it difficult.
“You suck,” Wu-fei exclaimed as he poked Trowa in the back for the 10th time.
“Please stop it,” Trowa requested without turning around.
“You suck,” Wu-fei repeated, poking Trowa again.
“Stop it, Wu-fei,” Quatre whined. “You’re disturbing the class!”
“You suck,” Wu-fei said yet again, poking Quatre this time.
“Ow! Quit it!” Quatre whined.
Lauren sighed in annoyance. “Wu-fei, leave them alone. If you’re not going to listen at least leave the others who want to take the class alone.”
“You suck,” said Wu-fei, poking Lauren.
She punched him in the arm.
“Ow!” yelped Wu-fei. “Stupid weak woman! Do not touch Wu-fei again!”
Ms. J started the vocal exercises. Everyone was singing, except, of course, Wu-fei.
“Sing,” Lauren hissed at him.
Wu-fei just pouted and shook his head no.
Lauren gave up on him.
When
the exercises were over, Ms. J stood up and looked at Wu-fei. “Why weren’t
you
singing?”
Lauren snickered.
“Cause singing sucks,” said Wu-fei with a shrug.
Surprisingly Ms. J didn’t start yelling at him to go to the principal's office. She just sat back down and started another warm up.
Lauren’s jaw dropped. Wu-fei was off the hook?! Why?!
Wu-fei snickered.
After the class was over, Ms. Johnson called Lauren over to her.
“Lauren, you know that boy you were sitting next to in class today?”
“Wu-fei?” Lauren groaned.
“Yes, if that’s his name. Well, I think he’s a little shy.”
“Oh he’s not shy,” Lauren told her. “He’s just an egomaniac.”
“I
think he’s afraid to sing,” Ms. J said, “and I want you to help him every
day
after
school until he is comfortable with it.”
Lauren
paled. Now she had to hang out with that jerk after school too? “Uh….if
you
think
so…” she said unhappily.
Ms. J nodded. “Good. Talk to him about a good time.” She went onto the stage.
“It’s just not fair!” Lauren whined, stamping her foot.
“What, is Heero gay too?” a voice from behind her teased.
Lauren
whirled around to see a familiar Chinese boy smirking at her. “You!” she
shrieked,
pointing a finger at him. “Because you wouldn’t sing, I have to help you
after school every day until you start!”
“And what if I never start,” he teased.
“I’ll kill you,” she said darkly.
“Heh heh,” he laughed dryly. “Good luck.”
Lauren
glared at him. “We start tomorrow, and you better show up you stupid,
arrogant,
prick.”
Meanwhile,
across the room, the girls were flirting with the guys while they waited
for
the
bell to ring.
“I
have an appointment with a guidance councilor tomorrow,” Duo was saying.
“I’m
going
to tell her all about the guys beating me up.”
“I
have one too,” Trowa spoke up. “But I didn’t make it myself. And they told
me to
bring
my sketchbook.”
Lauren came over, looking unhappy.
“What’s wrong with you?” Shell asked.
“Wu-fei,”
said Lauren, plopping down in a chair. “That’s what’s wrong. Now I have
to
spend my afternoon’s with that loser, teaching him how to sing!”
“Don’t get depressed, Lauren,” Quatre encouraged. “Challenges are fun.”
“Don’t let Wu-fei get to you,” Duo added. “He’s just a jerk.”
Heero was reading something intently. “Hmmmm….”
Lauren leaned over. “Whatcha readin’ Heero?”
“Huh?” he looked up. “Oh…nothing.”
“Hey, is that on the Backstreet Boys? I love them!” she tried to lean over more.
“Did I hear Backstreet boys?” said Shell and Michelle in unison.
Heero looked uncomfortable as all the girls gathered around to look at the pictures.
Duo snorted. “First Dawson’s Creek and now this? What are you turning into, Heero?”
“I was just—“ Heero stuttered. “I just wanted to—“
“Look, it’s Howie!” Shell screeched, pointing to one of the pictures.
“It’s A.J!” Michelle giggled.
The
bell rang and everyone went home.
Shell went into Spanish. Wu-fei was already there.
“Wow! You came to class!” Shell exclaimed in surprise.
Wu-fei glanced at the clock. “I’ll stay for five minutes, then I’m outta here,” he told her.
Shell frowned. “What are you going to do?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Make fun of Zechs? That’s always fun. Don’t question me, woman!”
Shell
sighed.
“Can I sit next to you, Quatre?”
“No! I wanna sit next to him!”
“Uh….” Quatre stuttered, looking uncomfortable. “I don’t think there are that many seats around me.”
Michelle
frowned and stomped over to them. “Hey! Leave Quatre alone you blood
sucking
leeches!”
The kids all gave her nasty looks but they backed off.
Quatre shook his head. “I don’t understand why they all wanted to sit next to me all of the sudden.”
Michelle
gave him a gentle pat on the back. “That’s okay, hon. Now, you did study
for this test, didn’t you?”
“Today Mr. Kushrenada is going to assign us the project he’s been talking about,” he told her.
Jackie gaped at him. “You know his name?”
“Yeah…” said Trowa, giving her a strange look.
“And what project? I don’t remember anything about a project!”
“He made it perfectly clear.”
“To you or to everyone else as well?”
Before
Trowa could answer Treize entered the room, smiling. “Good morning, class.
Today
I am going to discuss the project that is worth half of your grade this
quarter. Listen carefully now, because I’ll only explain it once. As you
know, photography is like art, and artis like war. The art of war is a
very difficult concept, but those with enough insight can see the art in
war. Kind of like Zechs. He has insight, but then again, he’s a piece of
artwork himself. There are not many people who are truly beautiful, but
these kinds of people are not as rare as a Gundam. They are the rarest
type of mobile suit. Mobile dolls are evil and should be disposed of quickly.
War is not art if it is fought with robots. Robots are difficult to construct.
You need smart people to construct them and they must know how to program
them as well.Beautiful people are not necessarily smart people. Therefore,
smart people are not necessarily art.” He paused. “Good luck.” Treize sat
down at his desk.
Jackie just stared blankly at him. Not a word of that had made any sense!
Trowa smiled and rubbed his hands together. “This is going to be fun!”
Jackie
just buried her head in her hands.
“So you’re Duo Maxwell, huh?”
“Yup. I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie. That’s me in a nutshell,” Duo recited with a grin.
The guidance counselor gave him a weird look. “Uh huh. Well I’m Mrs. Kade. What’s the problem?”
Duo frowned. “The kids make fun of me. They pull my hair, shove me into lockers, and do all kinds of mean things. I don’t get it! I’m so cool!”
“Well apparently the kids don’t think you’re cool, Duo.”
“But I really am!” Duo insisted. “Why can’t they pick on Quatre! He’s a geek! Or Heero! He’s dull! Or Trowa! He’s weird! Or Wu-fei! He’s mean!”
“I’d say your problem is your hair,” said Mrs. K.
“My hair!” exclaimed Duo in dismay. “But I spent years growing this out!”
Mrs. K made a pair of scissors with her fingers. “Snip snip.”
Duo frowned. “I’ll have to think about it.”
“You do that,” said Mrs. K. “Next!”
“But I’m not done!” Duo protested.
“Cut your hair. Then we’ll talk.”
Duo
left the office unhappily. Somehow that hadn’t helped at all.
“Know who’s cute? That blonde teacher…what’s his name?”
“Mr. Hunk?” Lauren offered.
“Yeah! That’s him!” Zechs nodded.
“Yeah, he is cute!” Lauren agreed.
Wu-fei looked at them in disgust. “I am not seeing this.”
Lauren looked over at him and frowned. “You again? Can’t you see I’m trying to have a conversation, Wu-fei?”
Wu-fei snorted. “How’s it going, lunch lady Zechs?”
Zechs glared at him.
“Wu-fei,
unless you have an opinion on cute teachers, I suggest you leave,” Lauren
snapped.
Wu-fei
shrugged and leaned against the wall. “I’m not joining in, but I’m not
leaving
either.”
He paused. “Even though you people suck.”
Lauren
sighed and turned back to Zechs. “Anyway, hon. Why you checking out all
the
teachers!
Afterall, you’ve got Treize, and he’s definitely the hottest teacher here!”
“But he’s not the hottest guy overall here,” Wu-fei said proudly. “That’s me.”
“Sure it is…” Lauren mumbled.
Zechs
sighed. “I do love Treize, but I sometimes get annoyed with him. Besides,
it’s not like we’re married.”
“Thank
god we don’t live in Hawaii,” said Wu-fei.
Lauren turned to glare at him again. “We don’t need your comments.” She shoved him away.
“Again with the shoving!” he whined.
“So you’re gonna break it off with Treize?” Lauren said excitedly.
Zechs nodded sadly.
There was a startled gasp behind them.
“Oh
yeah,” said WuFei, “Did I forget to tell you people that Treize was standing
behind
you the whole time?”
Lauren
and Zechs spun to see Mr. Kushrenada himself. Treize frowned, staring down
at
his freshly picked daisies as a tear ran down his cheek.
“Daisies…my favorite,” Zechs muttered.
“They reminded me of art! And therefore you,” Treize sniffed.
“Treize…,”
Zechs consoled him, standing. “I don’t wish to break it off forever! I
just
think we need a break.”
Treize shook his head. “Good-bye, my Lightning Baron. I give you to your new love.”
Lauren watched as Treize hung his head and left.
“That’s
not like Treize,” Zechs murmured. “Seems like he would try harder to get
me
back.
Hm….”
“Oh
please. You’re not that good looking. Treize probably realized he could
do
better,”
WuFei snapped.
“WuFei!” Lauren cried, punching him in the arm.
“Hey!” WuFei protested, “What’s your problem?”
Lauren
stood and grabbed WuFei’s arm. “We have to get Treize and Zechs back
together,”
she whispered.
“Why?” he asked incredulously.
“Cause
I said so. It’ll give us something to do when we’re stuck with each other
after
school.”
WuFei
sighed. “Why do I let you do this to me?”
“I need to see my guidance counselor,” Trowa told the secretary.
“Ok, what’s your last name?”
“I
don’t have one. But if you have to call me something, call me Trowa. Trowa
Barton.”
The
guidance counselor sighed and mumbled something about how kids these
days
were getting weirder and weirder. “Mr. McDonald.”
Trowa nodded and headed towards his office.
“Trowa, have a seat,” Mr. McDonald said grimly.
Trowa nodded and sat.
“Trowa,
I understand you are..um, special child. You’re a gifted artist, but somehow
you
seemed troubled.” He cleared his throat. “Do you mind if I take a look
at your
sketchbook?”
Trowa nodded and handed it over.
Mr.
McDonald began to flip through the many images. A clown being hung, a clown
being
drowned, a clown burning, a clown impaled…..it went on and on.
“Trowa, why do you draw such images?”
Trowa shrugged. “I’m looking for ideas.”
“Ideas?”
“For
when I finally kill myself. Heero already told me self-destructing your
Gundam
is
too painful. What do you think of coyotes?”
McDonald
coughed. “I think I better call your mother….”
His eyes rested on the woman pouring over her work in the music office.
A
woman. Perfect. That was just the thing to drive Zechs over the edge-and
back
to
him.
Quatre frowned and moved his arm. “Why?” he whispered back.
Michelle
wrote ‘A, C, B’ on her scantron and ignored the blonde beauty.
Heero groaned and turned around slowly. “What?”
“Who’s your favorite Backstreet Boy?”
Heero sighed and gazed down at his notebook. “Uh…,” he flipped through it. “Kevin.”
Shell
frowned. “Really? Uh. Well you can have all my Kevin stickers then,” she
said,
sticking a Kevin sticker on Heero’s cheek. “Now you’re the ultimate fan!”
she said chipperly.
“Woohoo, thanks,” he replied dryly.
Shell
blushed. “You’re welcome, cutie.”
“That’s the secret, isn’t it?”
Lauren rolled her eyes. “Alright. Sing something.”
“I love you, you love me…”
“Ick! In your dreams!” Lauren exclaimed in disgust, shoving WuFei.
“Yeah, that’s it! Beat up sophomores who are three feet shorter than you,” he moaned.
“Weeny,” Lauren snapped.
“That’s it!” cried WuFei, pouncing on Lauren. He wrestled her to the ground.
“Ew! Get off!” she cried.
“Only if you stop hassling me about the singing thing!” he whispered.
Lauren laughed. “You really do suck, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I suck,” he said slowly.
“What?
Do you not want me to tell anyone you suck?” Lauren asked, shoving him
off.
“No, you can tell people. I changed my mind. You can tell everyone I suck.”
Lauren frowned. “Why?”
“Does it matter? Let’s talk about Treize. Where the hell is that dork anyway?”
“Oh my God….,” Lauren muttered, pointing up the hallway.
WuFei turned and gasped. “Holy! Ick! Isn’t that Treize? Why is he with a girl?”
“That’s Ms Walter,” Lauren whispered back. “I thought she was gay too!”
“This
is weird,” said WuFei. “Wait till Zechs hears about this….”
“Hey, Shell?” Duo began slowly.
She turned. “Yes Duo?”
“You’re
up on current events, aren’t you? I mean, you seem to know a lot about
the
Backstreet Boys and Dawson’s Creek and all kinds of teen things.”
“I guess so,” she replied. “Why?”
“I
need someone to teach me to be cool,” he admitted dejectedly. “And I don’t
want
to chop the braid.”
She
nodded. “That’s my specialty! Come on! We’re going to the mall!”
Trowa spun. “Who are you?”
Jackie slapped him.
“Hi
Jackie. I really have to stop sniffing those paints,” he replied, smiling
weakly.
“What
did they all you into guidance for?”
“They
wanted to know about my pictures. I think they came to the conclusion that
I’m
a troubled artist and nothing to be worried about. After all, this is *our*
school. They don’t care too much.”
Jackie
nodded. “I know. Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me with that
photography
project. You know, since you’re the only one who can decipher what Mr.
Whatever
is talking about.”
Trowa
nodded. “Jackie, I don’t think you’re ready for photography. You seem to
be
having a lot of trouble…”
Jackie sighed. “It’s not my fault! So what do you say? Partners?”
“Alright.
If you tell me which of my pictures looks most practical, I’ll help you
with
your
project.”
“Great!” Jackie cried happily.
“Just
pick up some film, some macaroni, and some puffy paint and meet me in
the
courtyard.”
Jackie
frowned. She had listened to the entirety of Mr. Whatever’s speech, and
while
she
didn’t understand a word of it, she certainly didn’t remember anything
about puffy
paint.
“Ok….”
“And
if you see any coyotes, you can get some of those too,” he added.
“Quatre wears Armani pants and no one’s shoving him into lockers,” Shell shrugged.
“Not
funny,” he replied. “And besides, you dressed me like James Bond. I don’t
remember
any of the kids dressed like James Bond.”
“Sure
there are. They’re just too cool to hang around you,” she replied, enjoying
the
sight of a hot guy in a tux.
“And what about my hair?”
“Leave
it down,” she suggested. “The braid’s too girly.” she yanked the hair elastic
out.
“It’s all wavy,” he griped.
Shell giggled.
“And the guys will stop picking on me?” he asked uncertainly.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. But the girls will dig it.”
He raised an eyebrow. “They will?”
“Well, I am at least.”
He frowned. “Will the guys stop beating me up?”
“Oh, oh, God no!” Shell laughed.
“What?
But I said I wanted to fit in! I didn’t want your help just so you could
dress
me
up and giggle!”
She
sighed. “Alright, alright. Follow me. I’ll make you fit in.”
Zechs
was just about to leave the cafeteria, but he stopped when he saw Lauren
running
towards him shouting his name. Everyone stared at her with really weird
looks. They must have thought she was screaming something else. “What is
it?”
She was out of breath. “It’s Treize!”
“What about him?”
Wu-fei laughed. “Your boyfriend’s flirting with someone else.”
Zechs shrugged. “He’s entitled.”
“A woman!” Lauren told him.
Zechs paled. “A woman?”
“And a gay butt-ugly one at that,” Wu-fei added.
Zechs stumbled. Lauren had to hold him up.
“Zechs?! Are you okay?” she asked.
Wu-fei laughed.
“Where is he?” asked Zechs.
“Come
on,” said Lauren, taking him by the hand. “I’ll show you.” They ran out
of the
cafeteria.
“Ooh…”
Wu-fei moaned. “Do we have to run everywhere we go?” He followed them.
“Uh….hello.”
“Have you seen Quatre?” she asked him.
“Can you help me?”
“If it’s about scoring with Lauren, you don’t have to worry. She’s a slut.”
“Huh? No….I thought you might help me with….uh…*normal* conversation.”
“Normal conversation?” she questioned, giving him a weird look. “What do you mean?”
Heero cleared his throat. “Apparently I’m not in on the ‘lingo’,” he said like someone’s father trying to be cool.
“The lingo?!”
“Uh…I
don’t know what the kids are talking about. I feel lost,” Heero explained.
“I
thought
maybe you could help me. You seem cool.”
Michelle
smiled. “Thanks. I am cool. Sure I’ll help you, Heero! Now just let me
find
Quatre.”
“So….what do I do with this film, macaroni and puffy paint?”
“What color puffy paint did you get?”
“Red,” she told him.
Trowa nodded. “Red….like blood.” He was drawing another picture, this one of a clown being run over by a big truck. He studied it. “I could do that….all I would have to do is jump out into the street when I see them coming….”
“Ok, Trowa. But before you kill yourself, tell me what to do for the project.”
“Now that I’ve told you what you need, isn’t it obvious?”
“NO!” she exclaimed.
“Oh. Well…take some pictures, and then get back to me.”
Jackie sighed and took her camera.
Trowa
shook his head. Then his face lit up. “Hey! What about having a piano fall
on me! There’s one in the auditorium….”
“What
do you expect? You’re 5’1 and not even 100 pounds. Besides, that’s the
way
people
wear them.” Shell put her hands on her hips and grinned at him. “Nice boxers.”
Duo turned red. “Fine. What about my hair?”
“Just put it back in a ponytail instead of a braid. Braids are for girls. A ponytail is more acceptable.”
Duo sighed but did what she said. “Okay, how do I look now?”
Shell
smiled. “Perfect. No one will make fun of you anymore.”
“I teach photography,” Treize was saying, leaning casually against the wall.
“He’s so hot,” Lauren and Zechs sighed in unison.
“Oh please,” Wu-fei muttered.
“Photography is a confusing art form,” Treize began.
“Listen, I don’t have time for this,” Ms. Walt interrupted him. She walked away.
Treize frowned. “Dammit. No one finds me attractive anymore.”
Lauren pushed Zechs forward.
“Treize….” said Zechs.
Treize looked at him in surprise. “Zechs?”
“Treize….I want to apologize,” Zechs said, stepping forward.
“Oh? For what?” Treize looked away.
“You know what for. Treize….I want you back.”
Treize looked at him hopefully. “For good?”
Zechs nodded. “I love you, Treize.”
“And I love you, Zechs.” They hugged.
“Aw….” Lauren sighed. “Aren’t they cute?”
“Please excuse me while I throw up,” muttered Wu-fei.
“Go ahead and kiss!” Lauren encouraged.
They
were about to, but Wu-fei interrupted loudly with, “Ugh! Oh gross! Spare
us all
please!”
Lauren glared at him, and Zechs and Treize looked at him in confusion.
“That’s it!” Lauren roared, grabbing the Chinese boy by the ear and dragging him into the auditorium.
“Unhand me, woman!” Wu-fei yelped.
“No, you’re so mean,” Lauren complained. “Go on that stage and sing. Right now.”
WuFei frowned. “No. I’m not singing.”
“Yes you are.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not.”
Lauren stepped forward to dwarf him. “SING!”
“I said no! Are you listening to me, woman? Huh?” he snapped.
Lauren smacked him.
WuFei
kissed her.
Shell grinned. “See? Told you!”
“Hey, how come you’re not dressed strangely anymore?” the kid pressed.
“Oh, I was just mackin’ ya before,” Duo said with a cocky grin. “Big Pimpin’,” he sang.
“You like JayZee too?” the kid asked. “Phat! Hey, I’m Homer Wannabe.”
“Ack!” Shell exclaimed.
“I’m Du- I mean, MacDaddy,” he said confidently.
“Wanna walk down the hallway and rap senselessly?” Homer asked.
Shell shook her head madly and tried to get Duo’s attention.
“Sure!” Duo said, happily following Homer down the hallway.
Shell
frowned. She had to find Jackie, fast, or Duo would be unrecognizable in
mere hours.
“Are you straight?”
“Yeah….”
“Then you hate them. Try saying ‘hey, Eminem is the man, dontcha think’? Then you’ll fit in. And start dressing in Aeropastle.”
Heero nodded, writing it all down. “And what do I say to girls?”
“Hmmmm. Nothing. Just sexually harass them,” Michelle ordered.
“Michelle, that’s not very nice,” Quatre said worriedly.
Michelle pet him. “That’s cute of you sweetie, but Heero is trying to fit in. He doesn’t want to be a geek like you.”
Quatre frowned.
“Just pretend every girl is Relena,” Michelle advised.
Heero shuddered.
“I know it’s difficult,” Michelle said sympathetically.
“Hey, have you guys seen Trowa?” Jackie asked, coming up from behind Michelle. “He mumbled something about ‘just a quick flash of pain and then it will be all over’ and left.” She frowned. “And I need help with my art project!”
“What’s the assignment?” Michelle asked.
Jackie shrugged. “As far as I can tell, it has something to do with smothering a photo with puffy paint and macaroni.”
“Wow, that Mr. Ku-uh, Whatever is pretty existential, huh?” Michelle mused.
“Yeah, if that means he’s crazy. So have any of you guys seen him? Heero?”
“Leave me alone, slut,” Heero said.
“Heero!” Michelle scolded.
“But you told me to-"
“I said treat them like Relena, not act like WuFei!” Michelle insisted.
“Speaking of WuFei, where did he go? I just saw Zechs and he said he hasn’t been harassed for at least fifteen minutes,” Quatre said worriedly.
“That’s
strange,” Jackie murmured. “And where’s Duo?”
“Come on! Don’t you know any other raps?” Homer pressed, irritated.
Duo shook his head nervously.
“What? You mean you’re not a real brother?” Homer cried in outrage.
Duo frowned. “Well, neither are you, man. We’re white.”
Peter mirrored Duo’s frown. “Huh?”
“Yeah, I know. But believe it.”
“Get
him!” Peter cried to a bunch of onlooking boys. They grinned and began
to chase Duo down the hall.
Lauren yelped in surprise and turned to find Trowa lying on the ground next to a trashed piano.
“Trowa!” WuFei cried in horror. “What’re you doing here?”
Trowa stared at the piano, an irritated look on his face. “All that work….I was trying to get this piano to roll off the stage and onto my head, but it missed.”
“How long have you been standing there?” WuFei asked.
“I don’t know….twenty minutes?”
“You mean you watched us the whole time?” Lauren asked in horror.
Trowa nodded blankly.
“Uh oh…,” WuFei murmured.
“Trowa, you’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” Lauren questioned desperately.
Trowa shrugged.
“Ack! You can’t!” WuFei snapped.
“I can’t have people know I like WuFei!” Lauren cried.
WuFei turned to her. “You mean you like me, slut?”
“Yeah, in a hateful sort of way,” she shrugged. “And stop calling me slut!” she shoved him into the seats.
“Ow! Whore!” He groaned. He dragged himself to his feet. “Alright, Trowa. If you don’t tell anyone about our uh, meeting, uh, I’ll….sing a song.”
Trowa seemed to smile, although with Trowa it’s hard to tell. “You’ll sing, WuFei?”
WuFei shrugged. “Any song you want.”
Trowa laughed.
WuFei and Lauren exchanged looks.
“Wow, he does laugh,” Lauren commented.
“Eerie,” WuFei added.
“Alright,” Trowa agreed. “Sing…. ‘I dreamed a Dream’ from Les Mis.”
“WHAT!” WuFei cried. “You skinny little bastard! I’ll kill-"
“WuFei! It’s for the cause,” Lauren reminded him.
WuFei
muttered under his breath. “Alright fine, whore, fine.” he took a deep
breath….
“That’s it! Get him while he’s down!” a homie cried.
Duo groaned.
Just as they reached him, Zechs stepped over to them.
“What’s going on here?” Zechs asked, looming over the students.
They gazed up at him.
“Nothing,” Homer replied. “Why do you care?”
“Well, because if you were going to fight this young man, I just thought you should know that I trained him to fight personally, and the only reason he’s running from you is because he doesn’t want to injure you permanently.”
Homer snorted. “Yeah sure.”
“You don’t believe me? Any of you wanna try me?” Zechs questioned.
Peter shook his head. “No…”
“Good, Then leave my cafeteria.”
They did so.
Duo stood up. “Hey, thanks Zechs. I never thought I’d owe you one.” He rubbed his head.
“Well there is something you can do for me,” Zechs said hopefully.
Duo shrugged. “Sure. Whatever you want.”
“Well
Treize and I want to leave early and……”
“Wow!” Michelle said. “What a voice!”
“How come he’s not in the drama club?” Shell asked.
They all peered around to find the source of the loveliness.
“WuFei!” Heero cried in surprise.
“Ew!” said Michelle.
“Ack!” said Jackie.
“He’s so good,” Quatre commented.
WuFei stopped mid-note and gazed down from the stage. “Oh crap! You guys didn’t hear that, did you?”
Heero grinned.
“Oh no….”
“WuFei, you’re very talented. You should sing more often,” Quatre complimented him.
“Shove it, fruit!” WuFei snapped.
Lauren grinned. “Wow! He’s good at something!”
WuFei turned bright red.
“Aw, he’s blushing,” Jackie teased.
“Stop it! I hate all of you!” WuFei sneered.
“That’s not very nice, WuFei,” Quatre told him.
“Let’s all go celebrate WuFei’s talent by getting some frozen yogurt from the cafeteria!” Shell suggested.
“No! Shut up! I hate you!” WuFei said again.
Jackie
grabbed Trowa by the hair. “What did I say? I said you could kill yourself
after you helped me finish the project!”
“Ow,”
said Trowa.
“Yeah! Let’s go see Zechs!” Lauren said chipperly.
WuFei nudged her.
“What?”
He whispered, “I thought you were my chick.”
“I can dream,” Lauren muttered.
WuFei hissed. “Well at least he’s gay-ow!”
“Shut
up!” Lauren cried, smacking him again.
Oh no! thought Duo. Stupid Zechs and his lousy job!
“Duo!” Jackie said happily, running up to the counter. “Thank God you’re okay! I thought for sure you’d be a homie by now!”
Duo shrugged shyly.
“What are you doing here? Where’s Zechs?” Lauren asked, clearly disappointed.
Duo scowled, “Him and Treize went off together.”
WuFei snickered.
Lauren smacked him.
“Ow! I’m getting bruises you know! You’re beating up sophomores!”
Lauren smacked him again.
“Can I have a frozen yogurt, lunchlady Duo?” WuFei asked. “Maybe I can use it as an icepack.”
Duo narrowed his eyes. “I hate you, WuFei.”
“Just do your job.”
“I learned the lingo,” Heero said proudly.
“What did I say about that word?” Michelle warned.
“Uh…shut up whore!” Heero replied.
Michelle smacked her forehead. “No! Stop acting like WuFei!”
WuFei snickered.
Lauren smacked him.
“Ow! Getting old!”
Lauren snickered.
WuFei took a bite of his frozen yogurt. “Uh- ew!This is disgusting!” he cried in indignation. He removed a three foot long strand of chestnut hair from his yogurt.
“What the hell is this? This place is so unsanitary!”
Duo’s eyes darted back and forth. “Uh….what makes you think that’s mine?”
“It’s three feet long you stupid twit! Can’t you cafeteria losers cut your hair like normal people? You make me sick!”
“I’m wearing a hairnet,” he said weakly. “Maybe it’s yours.”
WuFei’s face seemed to be getting redder.
“Uh, WuFei, let’s go find a table,” Lauren suggested, giving Duo a quick smile and steering the furious Chinese boy away.
“Does anyone else want yogurt?” Duo asked, blushing.
“Uh….no….thanks,” said Jackie. “I need to finish the art project.” She grabbed Trowa by the hair and started dragging him towards the table.
“But I wanted yogurt,” he protested weakly.
“Uh, yeah we have work to do,” Quatre said apologetically, leading Michelle and Heero away.
“Aw,
don’t leave me here!” Duo called. “Stupid Zechs!”
“Ow! Harder! And against a wall!” he suggested.
“How do I do this project!” she pressed.
Suddenly Treize appeared from lunchline with a cup of yogurt.
The table shuddered. (Because of the yogurt, not Treize)
“Hello Jackie,” he said. he pointed at WuFei’s discarded yogurt. “Great project.”
He walked away.
Jackie frowned. “What?”
“Hey, great job,” Trowa added, staring at the yogurt.
“But this has nothing to do with photography, puffy paint, or macaroni!”
“Yes it does,” Trowa replied.
Jackie slammed her face onto the table top. “I’m not asking.”
“Shut up whore!” said Heero.
“I agree!” said Wufei.
They high fived each other.
WuFei shifted his chair away from Lauren warily.
“So how’s everyone’s year going?” Michelle asked.
“At least I’m cool,” WuFei offered.
“It’s not so bad,” said Quatre.
“I hate this school!” cried Duo.
And once again, the girls all agreed with Duo.
The
End
Lauren walked in the main office, smiling happily. Working at high school sure beat going to college. After all, she could think of 7 good reasons why she loved working here: Treize, Zechs, Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa and....yes, even Wu-fei. After all, he was amusing...to an extent.
She walked over to her mailbox, which she shared with five other underpaid employees and took out what was there. Just as she was about to leave, Mr. Johnstone, the principal, stopped her.
"Hello, uh....Jennifer," he said with a confident grin, reading off the many papers he had in his hands. "Congratulations on your SAT scores!"
Lauren frowned, feeling very akward. "Um...I'm not Jennifer, Mr. Johnstone."
His smiled faded and quickly he sorted through the papers. "Uh...congratulations on the great field hockey game, Meredith!"
"I'm not Meredith, sir. And in fact, I don't even go to this school any more. I work here."
"I knew that," he assured her, pulling out one last paper with a very confident smile. "You're....Ms. Sulsky?"
"No!" she cried.
"You're.....Lauren?"
"Yup," she nodded.
"Ah, of course. I recognized you right away," he told her. "Now, *Lauren*, it seems you won't just be working for Ms. Johnson anymore. There's another teacher who needs help."
Lauren frowned, just waiting to hear it was Mr. Kipperly, a biology teacher she oh so hated. "Oh really?" she cringed, waiting.
"Yes, it seems many students have been complaining they don't understand Mr. Kush-run-aida," he said, stumbling over the last name.
Her eyes lit up, and she eagerly replied. "Did you say Mr. Kushrenada?! I'm going to be helping out Mr. Treize Kushrenada?!"
"Yes, that's his name," Johnstone confirmed. "You'll be helping the students in the class understand him. I never thought it would come to this, but I think this high school is truly getting dumber every year."
"So I'll just be helping him with his classes, and then help the chorus as usual?"
"Yes, that's the plan."
"Well, thank you, Mr. Johnstone," she said, practically skipping out of the office.
"It
was my pleasure, Jennifer!" he called after her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Duo walked out into the gym ready to go. He had his sneakers, his shorts and his tank top on, ready to show the other guys he was just as cool, if not cooler than them. After all, he had been practicing his rapping all week, and he knew a whole nother line to "Big Pimpin'".
So he smiled confidently as the gym teacher stepped out, cowboy hat on, megaphone in hand.
What's this....Duo thought, suddenly growing nervous. Basketball doesn't require cowboy hats...at least not in the colonies.
"Okay, class, today we're starting our square dancing unit."
Duo
felt faint. Square dancing! Oh no!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Quatre walked into global in a brand new Armani outfit, and he took his seat. Michelle wasn't in yet.
"Hey, look!" another boy teased, "it's that kid that knows all the answers."
Quatre looked behind him but then he realized it was him they were talking to. "Me?" he squeaked. "I don't know all the answers...."
The boy advanced, a friend grinning evilly besides him. "How do you know all the answers, brainiac?"
Quatre swallowed nervously. "I just read the text book...it's really easy. I'm sure if you did it, you'd get all the answers right too." He smiled nervously.
"I think then we should take his text book," he friend suggested. "Then he's be dumb too!"
"*Would* be dumb," Quatre corrected.
"That's it!" the first boy cried, going to get the text book.
Quatre pulled as best he could. "Please don't take it! I need to study!"
"Hey! What's going on here?! What are you doing to poor Quatre!?"
The boys looked up and cowered in fear when they say Michelle glaring at them.
"Uh....we was just talkin'," the friend said, before running across the classroom.
"Me too. Just talkin'. Nice brainiac." He patted Quatre on the head and followed his friend.
Michelle sat down besides him. "Are you all right?"
Quatre fixed his hair. "Yeah. Thank you!"
"Is
that a new outfit? Armani right?" Michelle asked, stroking his arm.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wu-fei glowered as he walked into Spanish.
"There you are, Wu-fei," Ms. Hola said, walking over to him. "You know, you've been cutting class a lot lately."
"You're pretty smart for a dumb woman," he shot back.
Ms. Hola frowned. "If you don't start coming to class, I'm going to have to fail you."
"Ooh, I'm scared," he replied sarcastically.
"It could ruin your whole GPA!" she told him.
"Wu-fei is too smart for school," he replied.
Ms. Hola gave up with a sigh. "All right. Forget it. Take your seat."
He sat down next to Shell.
"Hi, Wu-fei," she greeted him cheerily. "Want an N*Sync sticker?"
"You're weak," he snapped.
She frowned. "That's not too nice..."
Wu-fei didn't reply.
"How come you never come to class?"
"I don't want to be in a class taught by a lowly *woman*," he said.
"Then why are you here now?"
Wu-fei thought for a moment. Then he got up. "Later."
Shell
watched him leave. Oh well. At least she had her stickers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lauren walked into Treize's photography class. Treize wasn't there yet, but Jackie and Trowa were.
"Hi, Lauren!" Jackie greeted her, bounding over. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm Treize's assistant. It seems a lot of people don't know what the hell he's talking about so, it's my job to kind of translate for him."
"Good, we need that," Jackie assured her.
"I don't see how he's confusing," Trowa mumbled.
"Hi, Trowa," Lauren said, turning to the boy.
"Huh? Who are you?"
She smacked him upside the head.
"Oh, hi, Lauren. Can you kill me?"
"No!"
He hung his head. "Oh...."
Treize walked into the room at that moment and Lauren went over to him as Jackie and Trowa took their seats.
"Hi, Treize. I'm your assistant now," she told him.
He nodded. "So I was informed. Glad to have you."
"Glad to be here," she sighed dreamily.
"Photography is a very complex subject. Art and war are both complex in that they both require many materials. Like paint and uniforms and cameras and cannons and crayons and mobile suits. Mobile Suits are complex in themselves. They have many small mechanical parts that require careful care so they will not break. Mechanics are kind of like artists in that they both must deal with a complex subject. In that manner, pilots are also like artists and mechanics. Zechs is a pilot. Then again, he's more complex in his own right. To wear the mask or not to wear the mask. Personally I prefer him without the mask, because he is so beautiful like war and like art." He smiled. "Understand?"
Lauren blinked. I have to translate for him?! "Heh heh...sure...." she said, feeling very nervous. "Art...war...Zechs...no problem." She gave him a thumbs up.
"Good. Now let's begin class."
Lauren
paled as she took a seat off the side. She had a horrible feeling she wasn't
going to be much help after all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wu-fei decided to go bother Duo in the gym. He walked in to find the students standing in squares.
What is this, he though warily, a new battle formation? Is OZ behind this?
Duo suddenly came running up to him, grinning from ear to ear. "Wu-fei! Am I ever glad to see you old buddy old pal!"
Wu-fei backed up a step. Something was screwy here. "Okay, Duo. What do you want?"
"I need a square dancing partner! No one will go near me, and I don't want to look like a total loser!"
"Too late," Wu-fei told him.
Duo frowned. "Come on, Wu-fei. Do me a favor for once."
Wu-fei said, "I'm sure you'll look even more like an idiot dancing with another guy."
Duo thought a moment. "I can't think of any bad things that could happen as a result."
He grabbed Wu-fei and started dragging him towards his square.
"You owe me and Nataku big time," Wu-fei groaned.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I graded your projects," Treize said, indicating to the stuff on his desk. "I have to say I was disappointed. Most of you did not feel the beauty of art in your work, and the quality suffered. Now come pick them up and read my notes."
The students went to go get their projects when there was a knock at the door. Lauren got up to get it.
There was Zechs, dressed in a janitor's outfit with a bucket and mop. "Hi, Lauren," he greeted her.
She looked at him in confusion. "Hey, Zechs...I thought you worked in the cafeteria."
He sighed. "I had a job change. Too many complaints about my hair in the food."
Lauren laughed to herself thinking how sick it had made Wu-fei. "Oh well. At least you don't have to wear a hair net anymore. Now everyone can see your beautiful...long...glorious hair..." she finished with a dreamy sigh.
"Yeah," he agreed, "that cheap piece of crap didn't really fit me too well."
"This is a crappy school," she explained. "Everything's cheap and half assed." She paused. "I'm guessing you want to talk to Treize."
"Is he busy?"
"Nah," she said with a wave of her hand, "this is photography. I'll get him. Wait here." She walked back into the classroom.
Treize was saying, "if any of you have questions about my comments, I'll do my best to explain myself."
Every single kid's hand went up except Trowa's.
"Treize," Lauren whispered, trying to get his attention. "Zechs is waiting for you outside."
Trieze perked up at the mention of Zechs. "He is?" With a dashing grin he headed for the door. "Answer their questions for me, will you, Lauren?"
She
felt a sweat drop slip down her forehead. "Uh...sure. Great! No problem!"
Lauren turned to see every kid in the class pleading with her. This was
getting worse and worse...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Michelle?" Quatre said sheepishly.
Michelle looked over from Quatre's homework (which she had been diligently copying) and replied, "Yes my little bundle of cash?" she arched her eyebrows.
Quatre looked nervous. "Um, thanks for stopping those guys back there. That was nice of you, but…."
Michelle waited, then pressed, "What?"
"I don't think you find me very manly."
Michelle laughed. "Aw! That's so cute!" She hugged him.
He blushed and giggled. "Hey! That tickles." Then he cleared his throat. "Um…what I mean is that I really am buffer than I look. And to prove it, I'm going to try out for the football team."
Michelle stared at him dumbly.
"Michelle?" Quatre said worriedly.
She cracked up.
"Hey Trowa, do you have any idea what we're supposed to be doing? Lauren explained it, but I think she made that up."
Trowa nodded. "I agree. Why did she tell us to make sock puppets when Mr Kushranada obviously wants us to draw the sun?"
"The sun?" Jackie cried in amazement. "That's what he was trying to say!?"
Lauren proudly held up her sock puppet. "See class? Easy right? Heh, heh," she chuckled nervously.
"Idiot," Jackie muttered to herself.
"Fore!" someone yelled.
Jackie looked up to see a small white ball hurtling towards her."Ack!" she cried, ducking.
"Ow," Trowa said lamely as the ball smacked against his head. Then he looked up excitedly. "Wow! That was high impact! It might have killed me!" He smiled eerily.
Jackie stood. "Are you okay?"
"Okay?" he replied excitedly, "I'm great!"
"You're bleeding," she pointed out.
"All the better!"
"Jackie, take Trowa to the nurse before too much blood leaks out of his pretty little head," Lauren told them.
"The nurse!?" Jackie groaned. "C'mon!" Angrily she helped Trowa to his feet.
"I've got to find a way to come in contact with more of those white balls," Trowa was muttering.
"It's a golf ball," Jackie growled as he leaned on her arm. "You'd have to play golf."
"Golf? I can do that."
"Well there's sign up after school."
Trowa
nodded. "Great…."
"Prominade you ass! Prominade! Oh you suck why do I even bother?!" WuFei growled.
Duo frowned and tried to prominade. He tripped. "Ow! Sorry WuFei, I'm really trying…"
"And what happened to the twirl? You end a prominade with a twirl! You lived in the south you stupid hick! This stuff should be second nature to you! Ow! That was my toe you clumsy ass!"
Duo frowned miserably. "I should have tried to convince Quatre."
"We're the center couple, we're supposed to be setting an example for the rest of these losers," WuFei snarled, "you're making us look weak. WuFei is not weak."
"Maybe if you shut up I could concentrate," Duo muttered.
"And why aren't you the chick? You're the one with the braid."
Duo clenched his teeth. "Anyway, I was trying to think of a way to make myself cool."
"Ha! Good luck with that one.."
"Shut up. So I was thinking I could join a sports team."
WuFei smirked. "What sport?"
Duo grinned proudly. "Tennis. The sport of champions."
"There is no sport of champions, and if there was, it wouldn't be tennis," WuFei laughed. "That's Wheaties, idiot."
Duo frowned. "Tennis is really cool. It's a good way to get people to like you."
"Right."
"It is! Why? What sport do you think could make someone more popular?"
WuFei grinned. "Bowling."
Duo laughed. "Bowling!?" he paused. "Oh, you were serious."
WuFei narrowed his eyes. "Of course I'm serious. That's a game that requires real skills. People respect that."
"I bet they wouldn't."
"What do you mean by that?"
Duo grinned. "I bet I become more popular from tennis than you do from bowling."
WuFei laughed. "Stupid bet for you, weakling. WuFei doesn't lose."
"So we're on then?"
"We're on. And next time fricken twirl me you talentless freak!"
"Hey whore! Stop touching my duds!" Heero growled.
Shell sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, very good Heero you sounded just like WuFei, except for the fact that no one on this planet says 'duds'."
Heero frowned. "Shut up. I will destroy you."
Shell shook her head. "No, no, Heero. Remember, fit in."
He sighed. "Right. I meant….shut up. You suck."
When will this WuFei syndrome wear off? Shell thought miserably. Maybe a hard hit to the head….
Shell's face lit up. "You know Heero, if you really wanna fit in, you're going to have to join a sports team."
"Sports? Like horeback riding?"
"Uhhhh this is a cheap school. We would never have anything like that. No, I meant something dangerous-errrr manly, like um, wrestling! Yeah. Nothing's more commonplace than a wrestler! Ever other guy here is on the team."
Heero mused. "I don't know…"
"And they get to wear spandex!"
Heero looked up sharply. "Spandex? All spandex? Really? Hmmm…."
"So will you join?"
Heero
smiled. "Mission accepted."
At lunch, Michelle, Shell, Jackie, and Lauren met up in the cafeteria.
"We have a problem," Michelle whispered. "Quatre wants to join the football team. And now the rest of them want to do sports too!"
Lauren nodded solemnly. "WuFei's gonna make an ass of himself!"
"What should we do?" Jackie asked. "Trowa's joining the golf team to try and kill himself."
"I think," Michelle said hesitantly, "that we should keep an eye on them by….joining the cheerleading squad."
Everyone gasped in horror.
"I know, I know," Michelle said placatingly. "But this is for the cause! And besides, Amy's coming back from college to help the new coach."
"Amy? But she was never a cheerleader," Shell brilliantly pointed out.
"Well Lauren didn't take art and-."
"And she's doing a damn lousy job," Jackie muttered.
"Right. And she's helping. So it'll be fun guys, I swear. And who knows? Maybe we'll save one of their lives."
"Well that sounds fun guys," Lauren said with a grin, "but unfortunately Mr Kushranada is coaching bowling and I have to go be his translator. It'll take all my time."
"Oh! Now you can keep a one on one look on WuFei!" Shell said happily. "Perfect!"
Lauren grimaced. "One on one…didn't think of that…."
"Tryouts
are this afternoon," Michelle continued, handing out flyers. "Be there."
The girls all put on their 'sports gear' (sneakers) and headed out to the soccer field.
"This blows," Shell growled.
"Oh, Miss Shell, I think it will be ever so much fun!" a voice from behind her said.
Shell turned. "Who the hell are you?"
"Oh, I'm Dorothy, Miss Shell."
"Stop calling me that!"
"I'm here to try out for cheerleading."
Shell tapped Jackie. "Why is she talking to me?" she whispered.
"Oh, Miss Jackie, you look ever so beautiful this morning! I am barely worthy to stand in your presence," Dorothy gushed.
"Is she coming onto me?" Jackie whispered back.
They walked outside.
"Eeep!" Amy cried, running over to the group and giving out hugs. "Hey everyone! Thanks for going through all this trouble just to help me!"
"Help you?" Michelle replied in confusion, "we're here for the guys."
Amy's smile faded. "Oh…I see." she paused. "Remember, I help pick the team."
"Right!" Shell said, "uh! I love you Amy! I missed you so much!" She hugged Amy again.
"Oh Miss Amy I'm sure you will be a good judge of this competition. I love competition, don't you? It's like war." Dorothy grinned.
Amy's eyes darted back and forth. "Uh, are you friends with her?" she asked Jackie.
Jackie shook her head.
"I'm Dorothy, Mr Kushranada's cousin."
"Damn!" Amy cursed. "Now we'll have to put her on the team!"
A young woman with a heidi-ish hairstyle and glasses approached them. "Tryouts begin now. If my glasses are off, you may call me 'Anne'. If they are on, it's 'Lady Une'. Got it?"
The girls nodded in confusion.
"Now
get in line!" she barked.
"Umm Hi! I'm Quatre. Quatre Raberba Winner," Quatre said chipperly.
The coach smirked. "And what are you doing here pretty boy?"
Quatre blushed. "I'm here to try out for the team, coach."
The coach began to laugh. "You!? You're like five feet tall!"
Quatre frowned. "I'm five foot one. And I'm manlier than I look!"
The coach sighed. "All right. Go ahead. Give it a shot."
Quatre smiled. "Thanks!"
"Then why are you hiding in the bathroom?" Lauren asked knowingly.
"They made me wear a bowling shirt! A bowling shirt!" he cried. "And they wrote Chang on it instead of WuFei. I can't come out."
"WuFei, c'mon! Mr Kushranada's getting pissed! Just come out. If you don't come out, we can’t make out!"
WuFei grunted. "Fine." He walked out in his pink and white bowling shirt.
Lauren cracked up. "If those aren't the ugliest things-"
Treize walked over. "Hello Lauren. Why aren't you wearing your shirt?"
Lauren frowned. "What?"
"I made a shirt for you too. Go pick it up over there."
WuFei snickered.
Lauren
smacked him.
"Hey Duo, girls tennis meets over there!" A boy called.
Duo hung his head. "Come on guys. Give me a break for once, please?"
"Someone give him his tennis skirt so he can show us what he's got!" laughed another.
"Alright team, we're not having tryouts this year," Mr King announced. "It turns out that our team is so bad we're taking everyone."
"Woohoo!" Duo called.
"Duo go out there and demonstrate your serve," Mr King ordered.
"Yes
sir!" Duo said cockily.
"Uh…Heero, it's nice that you joined the team, but you didn't have to wear your uniform to the first pratice."
Heero looked down, then back at the coach. "I always wear this."
The coach cocked an eyebrow. "I see…well that's team spirit…I guess."
"When I can beat someone up?"
"You
can practice now if you want. Here, practice with Bobby Little."
"He's
kinda small," Heero complained.
"So are you," the coach pointed out.
Heero shrugged. "Mission accepted."
Heero whacked Bobby over the head.
"Mission completed."
"Uhhh…is he dead?" the coach asked.
Heero shrugged.
"Look, Heero, there are certain wrestling moves you can and can't do. There's…rules. You can't just whack people over the head."
"I do what I have to do," Heero shrugged, "to complete the mission."
"Err….you might want to read this handy guide.It’s called ‘Good Violence/BadViolence’."
"Hmmm,"
Heero muttered.
"Uh…Trowa? Trowa Barton? Why are you standing near the flag?"
"Well, you guys are aiming at the flag, aren't you?" Trowa replied.
The team exchanged looks.
"Well, yes."
"Well,
that's why I'm staying here. Play on."
"Give me a D!" Lady Une yelled.
Shell jumped as high as she could. "D!"
"What the hell are we spelling!?" Michelle griped.
"Give me an 'A' !"
"A!" Jackie yelled. "I know! It's taking a year!"
"Treize Kushranada!" Lady Une cried, jumping, "Yeah!"
Michelle sunk to the ground, exhausted. "We better not have to do that every game."
Shell muttered curses to herself as she took a drink of water. "I better have made the team."
"Oh, wasn't that ever so much fun!" Dorothy exclaimed. "I think Miss Une likes me. I might even make head cheerleader!"
Jackie narrowed her eyes. "Listen, chick. You're the last person that's going to make head cheerleader. We've got men out there to protect."
"But this is war, Miss Jackie!" Dorothy replied.
Jackie growled.
"Hey! You guys did really well!" Amy told them, giving out hugs.
Shell tugged at her pigtails. "This blows!"
"Well you all made the team," Amy said chipperly.
"Why were we cheering for my art teacher?" Jackie asked.
Amy shrugged. "I dunno."
Dorothy smiled sappily. "Oh Miss Amy! When are you picking the head cheerleader?"
"That's it!" Shell yelled. "You're going down!"
"Eeep!" Dorothy yelled, running.
Quatre stepped out onto the field.
Everyone started laughing at him.
He frowned. “Hey, come on, guys. Don’t pick on me.”
The coach said, “okay, we’re going to start practicing our tackles.”
“That means we have to knock people down…” Quatre mumbled to himself.
The kid in front of him laughed. “Look! We have a geneious!”
“Um…that’s genius,” Quatre corrected gently.
The kid narrowed his eyes. “That’s it. You’re dead.”
Quatre swallowed nervously. “Please be nice. My daddy is very rich!”
“Then he’ll have the money to pay your medical bills!”
“Alright, go ahead!” cried the coach.
The
kid rushed forward, and Quatre squeezed his eyes shut and protected his
face as he hit the ground. “Ow! Go easy on me!”
“Hey, you even manage to make that look skanky,” Wu-fei quiped.
She smacked him as she walked by.
“There you are,” Treize said with a smile. “Now that you’re here we can begin.”
Lauren sat down next to Zechs. “What are you doing here?”
“Treize said I would be ‘a great asset’ to the team.” He frowned. “I’ve never played this game before in my life.”
“It’s really easy,” she assured him. “Don’t worry about it.”
“All right, I am now going to explain how to bowl, in case some of you don’t know,” Treize was saying.
“Never mind…” Lauren mumbled.
“The ball is the catalyst. When deployed correctly, it makes the pins fall down. It’s like in war, when mobile suits are deployed to put down a rebellion. You need something like mobile suits or bowling balls to get a war or a game started. The gutter is like the gundams, in that they distract from the true intent of the skirmish. Your goal is the properly send out the mobile suits and avoid the gundams so the rebellion can be crushed. Now I have my very good friend Zechs Merquise here to help me, as he is very good at putting down rebellions and will be of a great help. He’s is also an excellent mobile suit pilot, and so he can help with the deployment of yours. Any questions?”
Everyone’s hand went up except Wu-fei’s.
“Lauren is here to help you,” Treize told them.
I
actually got that! She thought happily …..kind of….
Duo went out to the middle of the court smiling widely. I’ll show these guys who’s cool! He thought.
A ball came flying at him, and he swung wildly at it. The swing was a little too hard, however, and he ended up spinning all the way around.
“Aw, crap!” He exclaimed, finding his racket was caught in his hair. “Dammit!”
“Try and keep the language down,” Mr. King suggested.
“My hair is caught!” Duo cried.
“Right. That reminds me of a long and boring story I’d like to share…”
Duo
groaned as Mr. King went off on a tangent about some newspaper in Detroit.
He tried pulling on the racket, but that just hurt his scalp. Plus all
the other kids were laughing at him. He just couldn’t win.
“Why do you keep talking as if you were the flag?” one of the kids asked.
“You’re not aiming for the flag. You’re supposed to aim for me.”
The kid hesitated. “That’s not what the coach said….”
“Then you weren’t listening. Hit me,” Trowa demanded.
“Okay,”
the kid shrugged, getting ready to hit the ball. He lifted back his club
and swung hard….
Amy frowned. “So what? She’s a bitch!”
Lady Une removed her glasses and got a dreamy look in her eye. “Mr…..Treize….”
Amy frowned and hit herself in the forehead. “Not again!”
“What’s going on?” Jackie asked. “What’s her obsession with my art teacher?”
“Aren’t we supposed to cheer for the football team?” Michelle asked. “My baby Quatre is going to be on the football team!”
Amy shrugged. “I don’t know…..”
“I…I have to fight….fight for Mr. Treize…” Lady Une continued in the same spacy voice.
Amy shoved her glasses back on. “Lady Une! What about Dorothy?”
“Kick the bitch off,” Lady Une said with her usual stern disapline.
All
the girls smiled.
“Hey, whore,” he greeted her.
“Go to hell,” she snapped.
There was a silence. “Hey….can you show me how to do this?”
Lauren looked up at him in disbielf. “You? You Mr. Big Shot doesn’t know how bowl?!”
“Shut up!” he exclaimed. “Wu-fei is a busy guy!”
“Ask Treize,” she said, “cause I’m not showing you.”
“Yes you will! And besides, the jerk is busy.”
“But he’s the coach!” She turned around. “Tre—“
Treize was making out with Zechs.
Lauren stared, eyes wide, with a dreamy smile.
“Ugh!” exclaimed Wu-fei, turning her around. “Let’s go, woman! Teach!”
“Hey, I was watching that!” Lauren complained.
“I command you, woman!” snapped Wu-fei.”
Lauren glared daggers at him, snatched up a bowling ball. She went to throw it, but she was so angry that it slipped from her fingers and flew backwards instead.
There was a yelp, and she spun around in horror. “Oh my god! I’m so—“
Wu-fei was out cold.
She started laughing.
Treize broke away from Zechs and looked over. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” she said innocently. “You can go back to what you were doing.”
He
did, and Lauren sat down to watch.
The coach approached him hesitantly. “Uh, Quatre, the team and I have been talking and we think you’re better suited to a…another position…one no less vital to the overall well being of the team.”
“You’re not making me a gopher, right?” Quatre replied.
The coach shook his head. “Oh! Uh……no. Of course not. It’s just that –well, you’re responsible, aren’t you?”
Quatre nodded. “Oh yes!”
“Because we can’t give this job to just anyone! And you’re good in science and math right?”
“I suppose…,” Quatre answered.
“Good! Then have I got the job for you!”
“You didn’t impale any of your teammates, did you?” Treize asked, looking longingly at Zechs.
She shook her head. “Barely! I mean, in math I stabbed someone with my pencil, but they weren’t even on the cheerleading squad!”
Treize frowned. “Hm. Well, maybe it’s your eyebrows.”
Dorothy frowned. “My eyebrows? What about them?”
“Well….they’re freakish and manly,” Treize replied, losing all his tact.
“What! Grrr! I think they’re nice! I even curled them this morning!”
Treize shuddered. “Well Dorothy, if it makes you feel any better I think I have a position you will find more agreeable.”
“If it involves allies and fishnets, I’m sorry Treize, but I’ve been there and done that.”
“Uh,
no. This is something exciting and completely new….”
“Nurse Kidkill?” Lauren said hesitantly. “I have someone here who needs medical attention.”
Nurse Kidkill gazed down at WuFei’s motionless form and licked her lips. “Is he dead?”
Lauren shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure? Because it’s organ harvesting season and I could use a nice, plump, kidney…..”
Lauren grimaced. “No, he’s just unconscious. I hit him in the head with a bowling ball.”
“…..and he does have two, and one of them is just sitting there doing nothing…”
“He’s bleeding pretty badly from the head. Maybe you could just give me a bandaid…or a paper towel…”
“…kids today take their organs for granted, dammit! My heart turned to coal when I was twelve and after that I appreciated everything I had! Now if this young man were to say, wake up missing a kidney, you damn well better believe he’d take care of the other one!”
“You know what? I think maybe I’ll just take him next door to the church so they can pray for him,” Lauren said with a nervous grin, dragging WuFei torwards the door.
“And
it’s not like you can make a truly delicious caramel/blood strudel cake
without a fresh, plump- hey! Where are you going with that kidney! Come
back here!”
Heero nodded and headed over to the mat.
“Begin!” the coach called.
Ted leaped forward and grabbed Heero’s leg.
“Bad touch!” Heero yelled, pulling away.
Ted frowned. “What?”
Heero narrowed his eyes. “I am aware I am a sexual creature, but you have no right to put your hands on me in that manner.”
Ted raised an eyebrow. “You’re a what?”
“I respect myself,” Heero growled, “and I may or may not choose to alert the proper authorities, pervert.”
“Coach!” Ted called. “This kid is weird.”
“Uh, Heero, you have to let Ted touch you or you won’t be a valued member of our team,” the coach explained. “It’s necessary.”
Heero raised his eyebrows. “Are you saying that if I don’t let your lackey feel me up like his personal blow up doll I won’t be allowed on the team? That’s sexual harrassment too, pervert!” Heero slapped the coach and stalked off.
“What’s with him?” Ted asked.
The Coach began to answer when he stopped himself and groaned. “Oh no! Wrong pamphalet!” He gazed down fearfully at the ‘Good touch/Bad touch’ flyer. It was going to be hard to explain this one….
“I already went to the guidance counselor,” Trowa protested. “They said I was a troubled genius.”
“Yes well, when you tried to drown yourself in the sand trap we got to talking, and we think you may benefit from meeting with other kids in your situation.”
Trowa raised an eyebrow. “There are other Mobile Suit pilot clowns in this school?”
“Uh…..no.
But I think you’ll see what I’m talking about.”
Duo’s head spun as he gazed around. Where was he?
“Hold on, Duo, we’re getting the ambulence,” Mr King was saying.
Duo tried to shake the dizziness from his head before realizing he couldn’t move his head. And there seemed to be a sharp pain in his scalp. He looked down and was horrified to realize his feet were no longer on the ground.
“Ack!” Duo exclaimed. “What happened?”
“Er, you went to make a great hit….jumped…and got your hair caught in the fence. Don’t worry, we’ve called 911.”
Duo sighed as he heard the snickers. Maybe tennis wasn’t the best way to score a date….
Shell groaned and shook her head. “We don’t have to spell Kushrenada again, do we? We did that in our last eight cheers!”
Lady
Une frowned. “Shut up!” She cleared her throat. “Anyway. Here’s how it
goes: You’re handsome strong and brave,
we
know that you’re not gay!
We
know you will win the day
Go
Treize Go Treize Go Treize!”
Jackie groaned. “Somebody slip her some Ridilin….”
Michelle sighed. “Well at least we don’t have to spell-”
“Give me a ‘K’!” Lady Une continued.
Amy
fainted.
“I’m sorry Woofie!” Lauren said for the eighteenth time. “But how was I to know you’d stick you’re stupid round head right underneath my ball?”
WuFei nursed his head and groaned, “And then to top it off you took me to the nurse! The nurse! You’re really trying to kill me, aren’t you woman?”
“Sorry,” Lauren muttered again, helping WuFei down the hallway. “How about I buy you some frozen yogurt. Okay? Will that make you happy?”
“As long as Zechs isn’t working…”
“What flavor you want Woofie? Strawberry?”
“Shut up.”
Lauren shrugged and led the way to the lunchline.
“Ack!” she cried in horror. “Dorothy!?”
Dorothy narrowed her haggard eyebrows. “Yes, it’s me. Do you have a problem with that?”
Lauren frowned. “What’re you doing here?”
“Mr Treize said that this was the place I’d be most likely to see a fight.”
Lauren shrugged. “I guess that’s true…”
“Anyway, you want some Flogurt or not?”
“You mean yogurt?”
“No, the company that made the stuff couldn’t afford to purchase the rights to say ‘yogurt’ on the can.”
“It came in a can?”
“Of course it did! I would know wouldn’t I? I’m the one who spent twenty minutes peeling the outer film off! So, do you want some or not?”
Lauren grimaced. “Woofie does.”
Dorothy sighed and filled up the cup with some Flogurt. She handed it to Lauren.
“Here,” Lauren snarled. “Now shut up.”
WuFei grunted, took a bite, then started gagging.
“Oh, what is it now?” Lauren sighed impatiently.
“Son of a B!” he groaned, removing a five foot long strand of hair. “Oh this is so disgusting! I think I’m gonna-!” WuFei fainted.
“Woo,
finally,” Lauren said in relief, heading back to the bowling team. Hopefully
Zechs and Treize would still be there…..
To
be continued……….